I'm broken
I've got no one
I've got nothing

And I'm trying to learn my lesson
But so far I'm getting no where
All I want is to be accepted
And to reach my final goal

Steal me away from this hell that I've become
Take me away from this city that I've burned
Take my heart and change it's mind
I want to be you, I want to be you
I hate myself
Walking away ain't easy
I'm starving myself of all it's insecurities
I'm lying to all of those that trust me
So hardly in love, had to be love.

Every day I look in the mirror
All I see is lost and failure
What I need is some exposure
Someone to reach that part of me


Had to be love
Had to be loved
Only you, only me
Just to break that part of me
Now I'm nothing, I am nothing,
I am broken


As the days go by I'm losing it
As the years go by I'm dying
I thought my heart had learned it's lesson
I'm fading away, I'm fading away
I'm fading away
hey whats that.

haven't posted in a ya

The pressure of live-giving breath falls heavy on these shoulders. The smoldering fires of souls that are born with a clean page, away from their deliverance or downfall of shame, may be blessed with the power to grow stronger and louder. How they fathom their dreams of their potential realities is a blessing within itself, being limitless, unobscene. Addressing each other unknowingly, having only recollections in their later lives introspection, is what it means to be a soul, more than a part of a whole. And no not one may go without knowing at some point their fire was given, their living was granted. Their chest having risen was my breath implanted, and that hand that created was the hand life demanded. And this pressure, this weight, this great burden of live-giving presence manifests in the recesses of their minds. Deep back in the cavernous expanses of thought, back deeper than life-giving touch, and down further within the thin slivers of sensation and unconscious palpitations. Therin lies the source of their breath and the presence of all they are and will be. Their potential realities and dreams, endless dreams.

(no subject)

First of all, while we are slightly changing the alternative book idea: If you would rather do the book as orignially suggested please email us with your address and we will send you additional information and start the Alternate Book Project as originally suggested. (We already have several people interested in this idea so we will still do this if you are interested in this project. :) )

If you would like to participate in both projects that is welcome as well. An update on the Alternate Book Project would be provided this week. :)

Information about the new project: The Pages Project.

Due to the enormous response and interest in this project we are contemplating an alternative idea to our original suggestion.

We're thinking that each person could mail to us their work, page or pages (any size, shape, color, anything they desire) and we will scan the pages as they arrive and post them. Creatively this allows you to use any media or medium that you want that can still be bound into a book. You can use notecards, any kind of paper, you could make a collage, or even make your own paper. 81/2 x 11 or smaller is recommended for binding reasons.

Since anybody could be sending us pages at anytime your identity will remain anonymous. We will give you our address so it will be both the mailing and return address. That will make it less expensive and faster.

Then at the end we will send everyone a complete pdf file of the project. Of course all the pages will be scanned on the livejournal anonymously and anybody can give feedback on each individual page. We will still assemble and bind the pages into a hardcover book if people are interested in having a copy of the book we will still do that for the cost of producing the book. (This way everyone would have a final copy either in the form of the pdf file or in the form of an actual book).

Based on the number of people already interested, alloting just ten days apiece for production time not counting mailing time it would be a year and a half before there was a final product if we followed the original plan. The final product would be a hard bound book.

We think people would like to see the work sooner. Also the people at the end of the book would not receive the book for an entire year or more.

For the first publication of the Pages Project the deadline is June 6th 2005.

If you are interested in being a part of the Pages Project please comment with your email address included and we will send you our address.

This would be an ongoing project so people who are newly interested can email us at midnight_confessions248 @ at anytime.

If you would rather do the book as orignially suggested please email us with your address and we will send you additional information and start the Alternate Book Project as originally suggested.

If you would like to participate in both projects that is welcome as well. An update on the Alternate Book Project will be provided this week. :)

(no subject)

In this post I am promoting my community.

It is a journalling community whose focus is on alternative journalling books, that are sent to members for their contributions and then mailed to the next person. Anonymity will be preserved in every way possible. The purpose of the books is to provide people with an outlet by which they can voice their fears, desires, secrets, experiences, whatever they feel they can't normally share with people. This idea is loosely based on Post Secret ( There will be a minimum of two books circulating through the member pool so that it will be impossible for people to know who they received their book from or who they are sending it to. A place to be truly human, NOTHING, is off limits.

(no subject)

haven't posted in forever. hopefully i've improved immensely since last time.


unwrap unhidden melodies
expose unwritten fantasies
dark desires surface
to harsh, insensitive light

secrets held close
tied to the soul with frayed ribbon
afraid to let go
be seen
terrified by premonitions
mocking laughter
hateful glances
so it clings
to all it has ever known
security blanket
unhealthy attachment
until it’s torn
from safe haven
warm home
angry hands rip it
cut the ribbon
not bothering to untie

with fury
under burning spotlights
what was not meant to be seen
of vital needs
until it withers and collapses

before the audience
wide eyes
harsh lips
zombie hands
clapping, cheering

out of spite
just to tease
dreams severed
hopes crushed
secrets betrayed
confidence shattered
smashed to tiny pieces
shards of a tangled reflection
light bending
transforming, deceiving

the whole point of everything
drowning amidst trivial dramas
no one remembers why or how
anything began at all
but they continue
straying farther from their origins

and Secret
shivering in burning acid rains
neglected shortly after betrayal
embraced warmly by Soul once more
and the cycle repeats
drenched in drama
soap operas
and so on, and so forth
a neverending series of ellipses
symbols of repetition
c’est la vie
c’est l’amour